Maternity Gifts

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'Wait, breathe or don't breathe? Oh jeez, why did I have to sleep through Lamaze class?'

'The ultrasound looks fine, but I really don't think you should count your chickens before they've hatched...'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"Personnel can't fund maternity cover,but they will second someone to come around and coo oooh! aah! when the baby's born..."

In the club.

"So far mum's put on 10 kilos. I guess that's the best passenger safety airbag I'll ever get."

Old woman staring at pregnant woman's bump.

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

The Elephant in the Womb

'Here we go, two more mouths to feed.'

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'How far along are you?'

"My wife's going through a difficult pregnancy."

"So, the inevitable sequel."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"Haven't been there, haven't done that."

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

'Do you want to know if your child will be a viral internet sensation?'

NO Vacancy: "Damn thing hasn't stopped flashing since I booked in!"

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Maternity Fashion: Zika Net

"The long range forecast is a bit repetitive in here......warm and cosy, warm and cosy and warm and cosy!"

Contraction Tipping Competition

Womb for Kids

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

Ultrasound

"You're what?!"

Figure 1. Termite queen maternity wear

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"Your baby is overdue. We're going to induce it out."