Expectant Mother Gifts

Maternity Doors

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"Hunter, gatherer, we don't really care, as long as it's healthy."

"So! When's the big day?"

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

Push, push, push...

'Doctor, how long will it be before the stork arrives?'

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

'Welcome to pre-natal kindergarten. First we'll review your pre-born's cirriculum and then I'll assign womb numbers.'

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'

"So this is the secret to the start of labour!"

Planned Parenthood: 'What do you mean, you want an unexpected pregnancy leave?'

Maternity Ward: Push.

"Sorry falling pregnant in the office is not a health & safety issue!"

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"I'm tied in with a leash. Where the heck do they think I'm going to run to??"

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"So far mum's put on 10 kilos. I guess that's the best passenger safety airbag I'll ever get."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'Did you know that even though you're still a month away from giving birth, our baby has already posted a profile on Facebook?'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

'The son-of-a-bitch said we were playing leapfrog!'

'Technology has come a long way. Instead of kicking, the baby is now tweeting.'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

Matryoshka doll birth.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

101 Placenta Recipes