Expectant Mother Gifts

Maternity Doors

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"So! When's the big day?"

"Hunter, gatherer, we don't really care, as long as it's healthy."

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

'Doctor, how long will it be before the stork arrives?'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'

'Welcome to pre-natal kindergarten. First we'll review your pre-born's cirriculum and then I'll assign womb numbers.'

"So this is the secret to the start of labour!"

Planned Parenthood: 'What do you mean, you want an unexpected pregnancy leave?'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

Maternity Ward: Push.

"Sorry falling pregnant in the office is not a health & safety issue!"

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I'm tied in with a leash. Where the heck do they think I'm going to run to??"

'The son-of-a-bitch said we were playing leapfrog!'

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Matryoshka doll birth.

'Technology has come a long way. Instead of kicking, the baby is now tweeting.'

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

"So far mum's put on 10 kilos. I guess that's the best passenger safety airbag I'll ever get."

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, just as long as I'm healthy."

"We discussed a lot of options but decided on a water birth."

"Happy Mother's Day! I ordered you something from Amazon!"

"I'm pregnant."