Expectant Mama Gifts

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

The Baby Walker

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pool attached to child's bed.

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Pregnant women having a ultrasound done.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'