Expectant Mama Gifts

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

The Baby Walker

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

Ask me about my litter! !

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Pregnant women having a ultrasound done.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

The Complete Book of Baby Names. Oooh, what do you think of 110101110110? Isn't that cute?

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

Mighty Man Of Justice Is Born

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'