Maternity Staff Gifts

'I'm sure your babies will turn up. Mothers move them all the time.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Multi-tasking.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Busy office.

Happy Birthday to you.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'Brains...brains...brains...'