Maternity Ward Staff Gifts

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"We don't do 'returns'!"

"Where's Waldo Jr.?"

Nursery: 'Hey ya jerk! You're taking two spaces.'

Native American baby in a nursery.

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Dancing Doctor

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"This will be a tricky operation."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'