Maternity Ward Regulars Gifts

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

Clown Delivering Babies.

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"Oh, that poor thing."

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

Push, push, push...

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

'Oh, boy - stereo!'

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

Birth of a superhero

Pregnant woman enters door marked: 'Mommy Time ... With Pre and Post-Natal Hug Therapy'

'No Sandra, I don't hear a whistle either. '

Maternity nurse presenting newborn baby with big nose to father with big nose.

'Well, Mrs.Gurkemiller...Either your female cycle has turned to European summer time, or you're pregnant.'

Maternity doctor with a plunger

"So! Who's the father?"

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

Though unplanned, it was clear to Jim and Tammy that this newborn was a blessing in disguise.

'Congratulations... It's a corporation!'

Baby's First Bungee Jump

"Which one is yours?"

'I'm sure your babies will turn up. Mothers move them all the time.'

"Congratulations! Your first?"

Are we a bunch of losers? Who are you talking about? Me, Randy, Sadie, even you Uncle Mort – all of us cafe regulars. We've been hanging out at this place for years. I've been working here two decades. Do we have nowhere else to go? More powerful even than inertia: Any momentum killed by an uncompromising nap regimen. Zzzz.

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'