Maternity Ward Enthusiast Gifts

'Oh, boy - stereo!'

"So! Who's the father?"

"It's her nine-month anniversary working at the hospital."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

Maternity Ward "Just call me the Secretary of Labor."

Pregnant woman enters door marked: 'Mommy Time ... With Pre and Post-Natal Hug Therapy'

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

"Well at least now I ca almost imagine the level of pain my husband goes through when he's got a cold."

'Make love to me - I want to launch a range of baby and maternity wear.'

Innie Outie

'Congratulations... It's a corporation!'

'I'm sure your babies will turn up. Mothers move them all the time.'

"Where's Waldo Jr.?"

"Haven't been there, haven't done that."

Dr. Mary G. Wells Obstetrician. Open Labor Days.

An expecting Fly wearing a 'Baby here, arrow t-shirt' saying MAGGOT.

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'

"We don't do 'returns'!"

Womb Rating

"Nothing much. Just going to get rid of some belly fat."

'Now this time remember - we refer to the babies as 'quadruplets,' not 'the litter!''

'Baby Bump.'

Native American baby in a nursery.

"Oh, look, they're having a fight!"

Breakout at the Women's Prison Maternity Ward

'Of course I know when most babies are born. During dinner.'

"If you're going to be all judgy, I'm just going to lie to you."