Visit To Maternity Ward Gifts

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

Being Serenading in Casualty

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

Hospital Departments

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"So what brings you in today?"

Caution. Slippery when wet.

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

'Oh, boy - stereo!'

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

The Children's Hospital

"Will he be okay?"

"The good news is the frustration of filling out all this paperwork will keep your mind off your pain."

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

Pregnant woman enters door marked: 'Mommy Time ... With Pre and Post-Natal Hug Therapy'