Visit To Maternity Ward Pillows

"Which one is yours?"

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

Being Serenading in Casualty

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Hospital Departments

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"So what brings you in today?"

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'Oh, boy - stereo!'

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

The Children's Hospital

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

"Will he be okay?"

Pregnant woman enters door marked: 'Mommy Time ... With Pre and Post-Natal Hug Therapy'