Visiting Hospital Pillows

General hospital car park. Warning! Thieves operate in this area.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

Being Serenading in Casualty

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Hospital Departments

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Hospital.

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

"So what brings you in today?"

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'It's a screaming ladies part.'