Hospital Visits Pillows

"Too early to tell if the treatment works, but I'm feeling nauseously optimistic."

Hospital Reception - Ring for assistance

"What kind of second opinion is that? It's exactly the same as the first!"

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

"Yes, my family did visit me today... how did you guess?"

"Cancer patients are on the third floor. This is the psych ward. She wouldn't be here unless she was faking it."

'Sorry I'm late. Couldn't find a parking space so I crashed into the building.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

Hospital signs directing 'Impatients' and 'Outpatients.'

'Let's keep this simple - what part of you doesn't hurt?'

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

"You car pool guys will be going down together for x-rays."

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

Hospital Departments

"Is she critical?"

'Together, you have enough insurance to cover only one person. You'll have to draw straws.'

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

"First we need to do a wallet-scan"

'Never, Ever...assume anything is free when you visit a hospital.'

"He was only here as a visitor, but collapsed when he saw the car park charges."

'Remember: medical insurance is like a hospital gown - You're never covered as much as you think you are.'

Broken Leg

'Y'all come back soon, now, hear?'

Second Opinion

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

Man in a body cast is taunted by a football.

'Yes, they're my own teeth. I paid the dentist for them myself.'

Nil By Ear

Entering Maternity ward where the door sign says 'Push, Push, Push'.

"Y'know, these grapes aren't a patch on the ones I brought you last time!"

Ear, Nose & Throat Clinic

'No, I did not visit merely to tweak your nose!'

Hospital admissions: 1st and 2nd opinions.

"So what brings you in today?"