Medical Visits Pillows

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Outingpatient

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

"Take a deep breath...exhale into the balloon. It's my nurse's birthday."

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how painful is this wait time going to be?"

'Let me call my wife. She's full of 'second opinions'.

"I'm diagnosing a conflict of interest . . . your body knows how old you are, but your mind refuses to believe it."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Being Serenading in Casualty

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Hospital Departments

Hospital.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"So what brings you in today?"

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

"We're just going for a routine checkup ... they only do that operation once."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'You want to stick that thermometer where?'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'