Medical Visits Pillows

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Outingpatient

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

"Take a deep breath...exhale into the balloon. It's my nurse's birthday."

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how painful is this wait time going to be?"

'Let me call my wife. She's full of 'second opinions'.

"I'm diagnosing a conflict of interest . . . your body knows how old you are, but your mind refuses to believe it."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Hospital Departments

Hospital.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"We're just going for a routine checkup ... they only do that operation once."

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

"So what brings you in today?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"