Hospital Visiting Pillows

'You're looking well.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Being Serenading in Casualty

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

Hospital Departments

Hospital.

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

"So what brings you in today?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

The Children's Hospital

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'