Visiting Hospital T-Shirts

General hospital car park. Warning! Thieves operate in this area.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

Being Serenading in Casualty

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

Hospital Departments

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Hospital.

"So what brings you in today?"

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'