Maternity Ward Humorist Gifts

"It's a boy! Of course, you're entitled to seek a second opinion."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"WHich one is mine?"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

Downloading Pregnancy

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

I just hope my doctor is not on twitter too!

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."