Maternity Ward Humorist Pillows

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Downloading Pregnancy

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare