Maternal Health Gifts

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'Well, Mrs.Gurkemiller...Either your female cycle has turned to European summer time, or you're pregnant.'

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"We've made great progress!"

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

What the Doctor Ordered

'Well, well, well...'

Lactose Intolerant

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."