Mischievous Cook Gifts

'Honey, did you put the Tabasco Sauce in Ben's dish by mistake?'

Kitchen Kapers

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"Come on dear. It's getting late, and you have to be up early to collect your pension."

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

Babies who Lunch.

Misery lit...

'Nice of them to invite us to a dance.'

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

Law Books

'It might be a satanic cult: Not only did they chop his head off, they're stuffing his body with bread now...'

'Looks like a chipmonk.'

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

Children playing in a library

'It's finished, my masterpiece - wait...'

'Cut it out!'

Leaving pet shop, boy says to puppy: 'You're my bitch now.'

'Dad! What time is it when the big hand is on eight and the little hand is all over the floor?'

I shall not insult my stupid, fat, idiotic, ugly, lousy teacher...

'How many times have I told you not to play with matches?'

"When I run away, put my picture on t-shirts instead of milk cartons."

"Check this out! My ew app imitates the sound of the door bell and makes the dog go berserk."

"He really likes to play with the mice before he kills them"

'We bought it as a bonsai tree!'

What's wrong with the TV? IT keeps changing to the cartoons! (son sitting behind mom with the remote control).

"Iron Chef, my ass!"

"Upcycled, re-purposed and resin dipped - that's how gran would have wanted to go."