Mischievous Diner Gifts

'Excuse me sir, have you found and contact lenses in your soup?'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Kitchen Kapers

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'How is the water prepared?'

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

Babies who Lunch.

Misery lit...

I recommend the ketchup.

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

Law Books

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

"I hear the sparrow-goldfish chowder is to die for...at least once."

'Don't bother to leave a tip, I had one of your fish fingers.'

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

'A large hole has appeared in the wall of the nudist camp - Police are looking into it.'

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

Naughty Food

"Iron Chef, my ass!"

'Have you seen my husband? I left him by the lobster tank a few minutes ago!'

Eat at Joe's Topless Diner.

Monster eating furniture,