Mischievous Menu Master Gifts

Kitchen Kapers

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Party time.

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"Baby Jackson Pollock"

'How is the water prepared?'

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

National Coffee Day

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Babies who Lunch.

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

'Carb or non-carb section?'

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

"You folks ready to order?"

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'