Mischievous Menu Master Gifts

Kitchen Kapers

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

Party time.

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"Baby Jackson Pollock"

'How is the water prepared?'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

National Coffee Day

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Babies who Lunch.

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

'Carb or non-carb section?'

"You folks ready to order?"

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.