Mischievous Diner Pillows

'Excuse me sir, have you found and contact lenses in your soup?'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Kitchen Kapers

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

Babies who Lunch.

Misery lit...

I recommend the ketchup.

Law Books

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

'Don't bother to leave a tip, I had one of your fish fingers.'

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"I hear the sparrow-goldfish chowder is to die for...at least once."

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

Naughty Food

"Iron Chef, my ass!"

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

'A large hole has appeared in the wall of the nudist camp - Police are looking into it.'

'Have you seen my husband? I left him by the lobster tank a few minutes ago!'

Monster eating furniture,

'There's a worm on my plate.' 'That's a sausage.'