Mischievous Diners Pillows

'Don't bother to leave a tip, I had one of your fish fingers.'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Kitchen Kapers

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

Sushi Train Spotters

'Shall I bring two children's meals, or will Madam regurgitate her own?'

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

Babies who Lunch.

"We have sparkling and still, but I'll have to ask if we have black."

"I'll have the chef."

"They're flipping to see who pays for the meal."

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

'I'll have the duck ? l'orange, without the duck, of course.'

I recommend the ketchup.

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

'If it has a 'G' next to it, it'll give you a little gas; a 'B' will cause some belching; 'N' may create a bit of nausea...'

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

I told you not to order the house dressing. Hurg.

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

"Is that your 'God Bless America' or mine?"

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that much of a surprise.'

Frank 'n' Steins...beer & bratwurst (chef Frankenstein).

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

'Could I have a look at your childrens menu? It's only my inner child that's hungry!'

"My therapist recommended this place. It's eclectic without being schizophrenic."