Mindful Parent Gifts

"It's just the virtue signal - unfortunately, it doesn't do much."

"We don't have a time-out chair in our Classroom Community, that's our mindfulness chair."

'It appears that your son's problems stem from attention deficit disorder.'

"Of course he can walk, but why should he?"

Top 100 causes of eating disorders...

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

Father nursing his sick child

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

"What did you learn in school today that I'd object to?"

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

"They think I don't have a clue."

Sweet Jailbreak

'Stressed out dogs relax through Yoga.'

"I think formula should be bottled-up, but not your emotions."

Cat yoga

"Is it wrong that I miss the dog more than the kids?"

'Please stand by. You have temporarily lost your picture. Broadcasting will resume when you have finished your homework.'

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

"What part of this don't you understand?"

"I bark, therefore I am."

'Can I just remind everyone once again that baby yoga is non-competitive.'

"You'll have to give up the wine and the women. It's OK to sing, but only in moderation."

Now, my son, visualize yourself removing your diaper and sitting on the potty

I came for my daughter. She was hurt in gym? Your husband took her to the hospital. West Fester High School. Is my daughter, Twig Tree, here? Emergency. Your husband took her home. Isn't there anything I can do? Of course there is! Your insurance card, please. I am a good mother!

'Relax... breathe... visualize you inner dog treat...'

"Nature, nurture or a bit of both?"

"...and, for what felt like the millionth time, she opened her phone for the diminishing dopamine hit that never satisfied."

'I've got the children busy finding a solution to the Middle East crisis...'

'When you care to 'zen' the very best.'

". . . and if your kids have been driving you crazy today, just remember one day soon they won't even want to know you. . . and exhale. . . ahhhh."

"You shouldn't try for enlightenment if you are pregnant or may become pregnant."