Mindful Mother Gifts

"Am I a bad parent for giving him a weighted blanket?"

"You shouldn't try for enlightenment if you are pregnant or may become pregnant."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

So … you do a lot of yoga?

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

"Maybe this isn't the right heartless monolithic corporation for you."

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

'Have a heart, officer... the little mite is starving!'

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

'I should have listened to my Mum, she always said, 'Never underestimate how fast a zebra can run'.'

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

'Don't come crying to me, son. I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you stayed out in the sun all day.'

"What did you learn in school today that I'd object to?"

"We don't have a time-out chair in our Classroom Community, that's our mindfulness chair."

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

"I think formula should be bottled-up, but not your emotions."

'It appears that your son's problems stem from attention deficit disorder.'

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

'I fired my motivational trainer and started listening to my mother.'

'Can I just remind everyone once again that baby yoga is non-competitive.'

MOMumental Achievements.

"I'd like to pick your brain. Clearly, the one you picked isn't working."

Now, my son, visualize yourself removing your diaper and sitting on the potty

'I think we all know who's running the show.'

"You'll have to give up the wine and the women. It's OK to sing, but only in moderation."

"It's just the virtue signal - unfortunately, it doesn't do much."

"Nature, nurture or a bit of both?"

"...and, for what felt like the millionth time, she opened her phone for the diminishing dopamine hit that never satisfied."

'When you care to 'zen' the very best.'