Milk Alternative Fan Gifts

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'We've only got a couple of days to finish this box of cereal. Mom'll never let us eat something called energy-packed after school's out.'

Maybe the gods aren't angry. Maybe the gods are just yanking our chain.

"You had me at alternative milk."

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

'No fair. Someone ate the popsicle off the stick.'

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

Smart Arse Meter

Humpty Dumpty to psychiatrist: 'It's like there's this thing inside me that's trying to get out.'

Good egg, bad egg.

Man riding a bike frame with a cat and a dog attached to harnesses where the wheels would normally be

Tutti: When all voices sing at the same time.

'Mary, watch where you're pointing that thing!'

'Are these eggs fresh enough for you?'

"Our teeth-cleaning procedure is 100% organic."

"I guess I shouldn't have asked for the cherries jubilee to go!"

Milk...Milk...Anything but MILK!!

"My new boyfriend is free range!"

"Can you make me a tall Tazo chai latte with soy milk?" Bartleby, the soon-to-be-unemployed barista.

Sandy Eggo.

'If powdered milk's your thing! I'm your gal!'

'How about using a knife like everyone else?'

'This little baby runs on solar, electric power, hydrogen, bio-fuel...practically anything but gas!'

'I am on a holiday from hell.'

"Should anyone present think Dan’s tree-hugging has gone off the rails, speak now or forever hold your peace."

"You may hear a few wise cracks."

"Got milk?"

"Relax, honey — they’re apples."

'Looks like a great job!'

"Hey! Where's our regular driver?"

'Shake!...Good dog.'

'Ha, who needs television!'

"It was either him or me."