Milk Fan Gifts

"It's not for me, it's for Santa..."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Non-Humble Pie.

Maybe the gods aren't angry. Maybe the gods are just yanking our chain.

'Mom, the donut is drinking my milk!'

"I'm a monster."

'No fair. Someone ate the popsicle off the stick.'

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

Starvation Watching

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

Tortoise polishing his shell

"Fridge-to-table"

"Does it come with magnets?"

"Do you know what kind of bees make milk? Boo-Bees."

'I'll take the S. O. S. breakfast special...hold the shingle.'

The Magic Float

Smaller shoe being built onto a shoe house.

Wall Cluck.

'Well, Tom, your blood sugar is way too high!'

Take me to your lactator!

'Mary, watch where you're pointing that thing!'

Tutti: When all voices sing at the same time.

"I ask the jury, who among us would not have done the same, if given ready access to a huge vat of cheese and a lives streaming social media feed?"

Ask Doctor Ernie. Doctor Ernie, what is your opinion of mood altering substances? When it comes to mood-altering substances, you can't beat hot fudge brownies and a glass of milk!

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

Whatcha doing for vacation, Emily? Working at the beach caf� where all the lifeguards hang out. I'm ready for a summer of love! Me too! Aren't you babysitting? For 3 of the cutest little boys in West Fester Elementary. Check out the sexy chocolate milk mustache.

"I guess I shouldn't have asked for the cherries jubilee to go!"

'I used to have women lined up. Married, unmarried - it didn't matter. Ah, forget it. Another round. Skim.'

'An occasional table... what is it the rest of the time?'

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

Baby drinking competition