Powdered Milk Fan Gifts

'If powdered milk's your thing! I'm your gal!'

'So, what do you think of my first attempt at making homemade beer?'

The Main Types of Cheese

Maybe the gods aren't angry. Maybe the gods are just yanking our chain.

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

'No fair. Someone ate the popsicle off the stick.'

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

Starvation Watching

Tortoise polishing his shell

"Hurry, I've been waiting for you."

"I'm glad you like this new brand of coffee, Joni. The label said "fast-acting," but who knows what that means!"

"I suppose it's 'Empty Nest Syndrome', doctor. . . ever since Amber left for college I've felt so empty!"

Tutti: When all voices sing at the same time.

'Mary, watch where you're pointing that thing!'

Cow Cow Plops.

"I ask the jury, who among us would not have done the same, if given ready access to a huge vat of cheese and a lives streaming social media feed?"

We flushed your arteries, checked your fluids, and topped off your AB positive, but look at this kidney - When's the last time you had it replaced?

'When you said the tractor was down, I thought...'

"This coin must be 2,000 years old. Try not to put this one in a pop machine."

"Can you make me a tall Tazo chai latte with soy milk?" Bartleby, the soon-to-be-unemployed barista.

"I guess I shouldn't have asked for the cherries jubilee to go!"

"Yeah, you win! I only have five prehensile limbs myself..."

Whale Blowing Bubbles.

You're late!

'I hope we have the spelling test early, while I'm still under the influence of my alphabet cereal.'

'Inflatable boat Fred!'

'The ref likes a good clean fight!'

'You know, I wouldn't mind all this fiber if I could smoke it.'

"These high fiber popsicles is just a box of sticks!"

'I am on a holiday from hell.'

Beer...Better living through zymurgy.

'How about using a knife like everyone else?'

"Got milk?"

Taxi