Alternative Remedy Fan Gifts

'I have the perfect cure for you.'

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

DIY marriage counseling.

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

"This week we're going to try some regression therapy."

"Krazy straw"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"I've just overheard the doctor say the farmer has the flu! We all know what that means: chicken soup!"

"How do you feel about turning over?"

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'What kind of side effects do you enjoy?'

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Ariel prepares for her big date.

'I've always been so busy, I've never taken the time to stop and smell one.'

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

"Try taking baby steps."

'...And when I asked my parents if I was adopted, they said 'not yet.''