Alternative Therapy Fan Gifts

"The amethyst has calming properties – which is great when you’re out of Xanax."

'I hope this alternative Chinese medicine works!'

"Too hard?"

New Age Store.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

DIY marriage counseling.

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"Where can I find some peace of mind?"

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

"This week we're going to try some regression therapy."

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Krazy straw"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

"How do you feel about turning over?"

Therapy for the cow dependent

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

Men and Women's changing rooms