Alternative Therapy Fan Gifts

"The amethyst has calming properties – which is great when you’re out of Xanax."

'I hope this alternative Chinese medicine works!'

'This wasn't quite what I had in mind when you suggested 'alternative medicine''

"Too hard?"

New Age Store.

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

DIY marriage counseling.

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

"Where can I find some peace of mind?"

"This week we're going to try some regression therapy."

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"Krazy straw"

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"How do you feel about turning over?"

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'Extreme acupuncture.'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."