Psychotherapy Fan Gifts

"I'll try to find out what makes you tick, what makes you cuckoo."

Licensed Therapist

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

'It's psychological I know, but it makes me feel warmer...'

DIY marriage counseling.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"Dopamine Casino. Gambling that makes you feel like gambling."

PSYCHIATRIC CLINIC, 'You know what I dread? -- March madness!'

"This week we're going to try some regression therapy."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"Say these things, don't think them!"

'This wasn't quite what I had in mind when you suggested 'alternative medicine''

"My self help book on self-esteem is not selling as well as I'd anticipated..!"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

"No, I'm not asleep, but my foot is."

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

Laughter Therapy.

'You're too aggressive.'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'Extreme acupuncture.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

"How do you feel about turning over?"

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'