Group Therapy Fan Gifts

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

A support group for crayons nobody ever uses.

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

DIY marriage counseling.

Only Clowns

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"This week we're going to try some regression therapy."

'This wasn't quite what I had in mind when you suggested 'alternative medicine''

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"I feel proud of the success I've made, thanks for all your support."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

Laughter Therapy.

'Group hug anyone?'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

"How do you feel about turning over?"

Therapy for the cow dependent

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

Latest support group: British actors who couldn't get a part in the Harry Potter films.

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

"Try taking baby steps."

'...And when I asked my parents if I was adopted, they said 'not yet.''

"Near as I can figure, your painting style is Depressionist."

"The amethyst has calming properties – which is great when you’re out of Xanax."