Therapy Fan Gifts

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'

". . . and I haven't met anyone interesting in years." "What am I-chopped liver?"

Smoke Detector Support Group

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

'It's a good thing you called us when you did, Mrs. McPhee. Your basement was nearly hip-deep in toxic shame!'

Sign on hypnotist's door reads: Prices Subject to change without Conscious Notice.

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

"You used a four wood on a hundred yard chip shot?!!! You ARE crazy!!"

'I guess you hear this kind of thing all the time?'

You've regressed too far...okay, I want you to back up out of the fallopian tube.

'...And when I asked my parents if I was adopted, they said 'not yet.''

Last chance for dream analysis.

"How do you feel about turning over?"

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

"Try taking baby steps."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'Don't sweat the small stuff. Sweat the large stuff, and it's all large stuff.'

DIY marriage counseling.

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"I forgot to put bay leaf in the red beans and no one even noticed."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

You're a sham, Al. In truth, I'm a mere shadow of my former sham, doctor. I was hoping you might help me get back to my old fake self.

No one know when you're playing dead on the inside.

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

F&E Psychiatry Clinic. It's a tough case --- He thinks he's delusional but except for that he's not.

How long have you had these delusions about being important to a call centre?

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'The fact is, we can't seem to agree about ANYTHING!' 'Rubbish!'

'Shoo fly, shoo fly! That's all I hear whole day long! It's depressing...'

Welcome - forgetful persons anonymous.