Therapy Fan Pillows

". . . and I haven't met anyone interesting in years." "What am I-chopped liver?"

Smoke Detector Support Group

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

'It's a good thing you called us when you did, Mrs. McPhee. Your basement was nearly hip-deep in toxic shame!'

Sign on hypnotist's door reads: Prices Subject to change without Conscious Notice.

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

"You used a four wood on a hundred yard chip shot?!!! You ARE crazy!!"

'I guess you hear this kind of thing all the time?'

You've regressed too far...okay, I want you to back up out of the fallopian tube.

'...And when I asked my parents if I was adopted, they said 'not yet.''

Last chance for dream analysis.

"How do you feel about turning over?"

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

"Try taking baby steps."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

DIY marriage counseling.

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"I forgot to put bay leaf in the red beans and no one even noticed."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

How long have you had these delusions about being important to a call centre?

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'The fact is, we can't seem to agree about ANYTHING!' 'Rubbish!'

'Shoo fly, shoo fly! That's all I hear whole day long! It's depressing...'

Welcome - forgetful persons anonymous.

'Quite frankly, I don't know how this sweet, gentle, multi-millionaire husband of yours puts up with it.'

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

'Maybe you're a 'man on a deserted island' cliche because you want to be a man on a deserted island cliche.'

Stressed man on couch. Man at desk says: 'the couch is unusual for an accountant's office, but clients seem to appreciate it.'

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'