Comedic Therapy Fan Gifts

"Could I do this with an imaginary friend?"

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

DIY marriage counseling.

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

'What makes you think no-one understands you?'

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"This week we're going to try some regression therapy."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

'This wasn't quite what I had in mind when you suggested 'alternative medicine''

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

Cristoph Willibald Gluck 2nd July 1714

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"How do you feel about turning over?"

Therapy for the cow dependent

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

'...And when I asked my parents if I was adopted, they said 'not yet.''

"Try taking baby steps."