Comedic Medicine Fan Gifts

'You know how some people are living on borrowed time? I think one of them borrowed it from you.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

New Age Store.

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

'What makes you think no-one understands you?'

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

"Trepanning for gold"

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"It might be time to put you on a stronger anti-inflammatory."

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

'First Rogaine, now Viagra'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'Gesundheit! You must have an uncommon cold.'

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

"I would like organic milk!"

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

"Take one three times a day after meals."

Porcupine Acupuncture

He seems healthy, but I'd like to keep him here for observation.

"I don't feel so good, Tia Carmen."

Dr. Potato Head

Be In Need of Transplant Organs?

Faith Healer next to the Emergency Room at a fair.

"Could I do this with an imaginary friend?"

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

'It's just in from the rainforest, so there may still be some roots and stems in it.'

'Hello Mr. Perkins! Megan the giant leech and I are going to draw some of your blood now!'

'He was such a health nut. Died of all natural causes.'

'I feel unimportant and worthless because the NSA doesn't spy on me.'