Modern Medicine Fan Gifts

'First Rogaine, now Viagra'

"I'll tell ya what we don't need is some Dr. Durango helping us with a dang snake bite."

"I'll be fielding any questions you may have and my assistant, Carol, will be googling the answer."

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

Current location

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'Take two tokes of weed, Mrs Grunfield, and call me in the morning.'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

"Trepanning for gold"

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"It might be time to put you on a stronger anti-inflammatory."

Vaccine race

Dr. Glitch. Eye, ear, nose and USB port.

Hospital Gift Shop

Gramophone/Ghetto Blaster.

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

"Nurse, could you please click Ok?"

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

Doctor handing cell phone to patient: 'Here, take this and call me in the morning.'

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

"Supersize me."

"If this company can make an herbal soda...there's no reason why I can't make and sell my own too!"

M.D. Mister Jones is back with his sore throat --- He Googled instead of gargled.

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

"Of course, this will require extensive plastic surgery!"

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

Old- Fashioned Dental Surgery

Slow- Distracted Children

'Hello Mr. Perkins! Megan the giant leech and I are going to draw some of your blood now!'