Classic Medicine Fan Gifts

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

Drug vending machines at hospital.

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

Fiction for Plumbers

'The $39.95 is for the prescription, sir, and the $7 surcharge is a little something for our handwriting expert.'

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

"Trepanning for gold"

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

"It might be time to put you on a stronger anti-inflammatory."

"He thinks he's invented a fluted, or grooved, top for pill bottles so that he can tip out a single pill rather than have a cascade of them rolling about on the kitchen or bathroom floor."

'I've become resistant to antibiotics, but what I dread is a shot of whisky in a cup of hot tea.'

'Side effects? You have to worry about side effects?'

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"These have severe side effects but they may not have enough time to bother you."

'Gesundheit! You must have an uncommon cold.'

Hospital Gift Shop

"I've seen every goddam film ever made...twice! What the hell am I supposed to do now??"

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'George, are you SURE this is the seminar we signed up for? I haven't heard a single word about managing cash flow in a small business!'

"Take one three times a day after meals."

"If this company can make an herbal soda...there's no reason why I can't make and sell my own too!"

'I need a cheap wonder drug.'

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

'Grover, I believe you've reached your expiration date.'

'What do you recommend for the collecting bug?'

'Tom, you have always had a great ear for music.'