Medicine Fan Gifts

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

Drug vending machines at hospital.

"Trepanning for gold"

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

'The $39.95 is for the prescription, sir, and the $7 surcharge is a little something for our handwriting expert.'

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

Obstetrics.

"He thinks he's invented a fluted, or grooved, top for pill bottles so that he can tip out a single pill rather than have a cascade of them rolling about on the kitchen or bathroom floor."

Vaccine race

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

'I should try the polyclinic, sir.'

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

"These have severe side effects but they may not have enough time to bother you."

'Side effects? You have to worry about side effects?'

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

'Gesundheit! You must have an uncommon cold.'

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

'What do you recommend for the collecting bug?'

"Take one three times a day after meals."

'Grover, I believe you've reached your expiration date.'

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

'No, there is no such thing as generic doctors!'

'I need a cheap wonder drug.'

'Can you give me a non-drowsy medication for insomnia?'