Medical Communication Fan Gifts

Yes, by all means, Mr. Fusco, feel free to seek out a second opinion

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Doctors are all booked up. Nurse is busy. The best I can do is offer to type your symptoms into Google.'

'Did you get through to the speaking clock, Dear?' 'Tick and tock and tick and tock and tick...'

Workplace Confidentiality.

'Yes, a winky face is correcy...But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices know as 'complete sentences.''

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

Sewing Machines in Surgery

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

Freak Accident Specialist

"Just a minute - I'm uploading."

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'No, officer, I wasn't driving erratically while talking on the cell phone. I was text messaging.'

Vents, real and digital.

WPC

You've probably heard of "White Coat Syndrome," the phenomenon in which patients exhibit a high blood pressure level in a clinical setting, even though they don't in other settings. Well, you won't get away with that here.

'No, there is no such thing as generic doctors!'

3...2...1...I'm Recording

Clubs are great for instant messaging!

Tweeted

"Well, saying it over and over again doesn't make it true."

Efficiency Expert Greeting

"There's no need to shout!"

'Thank you...and now could I trouble you for a ham on rye?'

'Try not to take offense when he says - 'Of all the hip joints in all the world etc etc.''

"Sure, we have problems, but at least we can talk about them."

It's a text from the patient. He says 'more anesthetic, please.'"

'Advanced access' isn't REALLY about you booking an appointment in advance of having anything wrong with you!

The first ever novel written entirely in emoticons.

Frequently used emojis, spring 2020

Long before Louis Pasteur's epic work, pioneer researcher Boris Zamochovich...

"Hey Tony, you're a young guy. What sort of emoji goes with, 'Pay what you owe us, you lousy bum, or we're coming over there to break your legs'?"