Classic Medicine Fan Pillows

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

'The FDA now requires that we have an actor show you what kinds of side effects you might experience.'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

Drug vending machines at hospital.

"Trepanning for gold"

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

'The $39.95 is for the prescription, sir, and the $7 surcharge is a little something for our handwriting expert.'

Fiction for Plumbers

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

"It might be time to put you on a stronger anti-inflammatory."

"He thinks he's invented a fluted, or grooved, top for pill bottles so that he can tip out a single pill rather than have a cascade of them rolling about on the kitchen or bathroom floor."

From now on, the rats that get steroids don't have to run the maze.

'First Rogaine, now Viagra'

'I've become resistant to antibiotics, but what I dread is a shot of whisky in a cup of hot tea.'

"I've seen every goddam film ever made...twice! What the hell am I supposed to do now??"

'Side effects? You have to worry about side effects?'

"These have severe side effects but they may not have enough time to bother you."

Hospital Gift Shop

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

'Gesundheit! You must have an uncommon cold.'

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'George, are you SURE this is the seminar we signed up for? I haven't heard a single word about managing cash flow in a small business!'

'I need a cheap wonder drug.'

"Take one three times a day after meals."

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

'Tom, you have always had a great ear for music.'

'Grover, I believe you've reached your expiration date.'

'Oh, I never vote -- I'm afraid of getting mixed up in a cult.'

"If this company can make an herbal soda...there's no reason why I can't make and sell my own too!"