Modern Day Medicine Fan Pillows

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"I'll tell ya what we don't need is some Dr. Durango helping us with a dang snake bite."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

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"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

'Doctors are all booked up. Nurse is busy. The best I can do is offer to type your symptoms into Google.'

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'Take two tokes of weed, Mrs Grunfield, and call me in the morning.'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

"Trepanning for gold"

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"It might be time to put you on a stronger anti-inflammatory."

Vaccine race

"It's a very hip disease, so it's good that we caught it early, before everyone's talking about it."

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"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

'And their financial E.K.G. shows that they are in excellent health.'

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

"If this company can make an herbal soda...there's no reason why I can't make and sell my own too!"

"Of course, this will require extensive plastic surgery!"

Old- Fashioned Dental Surgery

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Long before Louis Pasteur's epic work, pioneer researcher Boris Zamochovich...

'Hello Mr. Perkins! Megan the giant leech and I are going to draw some of your blood now!'

'You know how some people are living on borrowed time? I think one of them borrowed it from you.'