Modern Medicine Fan Pillows

"I'll tell ya what we don't need is some Dr. Durango helping us with a dang snake bite."

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

Current location

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'Take two tokes of weed, Mrs Grunfield, and call me in the morning.'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

"Trepanning for gold"

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"It might be time to put you on a stronger anti-inflammatory."

Vaccine race

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

Gramophone/Ghetto Blaster.

Hospital Gift Shop

"Nurse, could you please click Ok?"

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

Doctor handing cell phone to patient: 'Here, take this and call me in the morning.'

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

"Supersize me."

"If this company can make an herbal soda...there's no reason why I can't make and sell my own too!"

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

"Of course, this will require extensive plastic surgery!"

Old- Fashioned Dental Surgery

Slow- Distracted Children

'Hello Mr. Perkins! Megan the giant leech and I are going to draw some of your blood now!'

Specialist Directory: Cardiology, Dermatology, Hematology, Leeches