Alternative Healing Fan Gifts

Acupuncturist putting pins in a chip and pin machine

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Hon, do you think it's time you took a break from the light therapy lamp?"

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

DIY marriage counseling.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"I'm referring you to an old gypsy woman."

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

'Have you been working out?'

"Where can I find some peace of mind?"

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

"I've just overheard the doctor say the farmer has the flu! We all know what that means: chicken soup!"

'This wasn't quite what I had in mind when you suggested 'alternative medicine''

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"Krazy straw"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

"How do you feel about turning over?"

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

Therapy for the cow dependent

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

Ariel prepares for her big date.

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'