Alternative Health Fan Gifts

"You may hear a few wise cracks."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Punk Reindeer

New Age Store.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

'I wouldn't bother. They're probably gluten-free vegetarians.'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

'This wasn't quite what I had in mind when you suggested 'alternative medicine''

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

'We've been tailgating so long, I think we might be homeless.'

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

Football fans in corona times

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'And just where did you study medicine?'

There's a sky full of bloated women counting on you to produce a pro-biotic yoghurt like you've never produced before!

"Since when is 'Broccoli man' a superhero?"

"Too hard?"

"The amethyst has calming properties – which is great when you’re out of Xanax."

"My Harvard Medical Guide says if a wisdom tooth is infected, you may need antibiotics and possibly have the tooth pulled by an oral surgeon."

Crusty Bread

'I hope this alternative Chinese medicine works!'

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

I feel like he's undressing me and checking for irregular moles with his eyes. Dating a dermatologist.

Auto Repair. I'm just taking it in for a few adjustments. A visit to the car-o-practor!

'It's ironic: I'm a carnivore, but my stomach pains were cured by a herbalist...'

Porcupine Acupuncture

'Personally, I think this acupuncture lark is highly over-rated.'

"I had the usual religious upbringing, but then I converted."