Alternative Health Fan Pillows

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Punk Reindeer

New Age Store.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

'I wouldn't bother. They're probably gluten-free vegetarians.'

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'We've been tailgating so long, I think we might be homeless.'

Football fans in corona times

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

There's a sky full of bloated women counting on you to produce a pro-biotic yoghurt like you've never produced before!

'And just where did you study medicine?'

'I hope this alternative Chinese medicine works!'

Crusty Bread

"The amethyst has calming properties – which is great when you’re out of Xanax."

"Too hard?"

"My Harvard Medical Guide says if a wisdom tooth is infected, you may need antibiotics and possibly have the tooth pulled by an oral surgeon."

"Since when is 'Broccoli man' a superhero?"

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

'It's ironic: I'm a carnivore, but my stomach pains were cured by a herbalist...'

Porcupine Acupuncture

"It's natural food, sir - Just eat it with your fingers."

'I'm on this 3 month diet...it only lasts a week, but it feels like 3 months.'