Health Contradiction Fan Pillows

'Ow! I tore something in my elbow, when I pulled out the cork. I thought red wine was supposed to be good for you.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"I'd kill for a fresh fruit fritter."

'Here it is - the world's largest miniaturization plant.'

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

Gym/Tan/Donut

Football fans in corona times

"My Harvard Medical Guide says if a wisdom tooth is infected, you may need antibiotics and possibly have the tooth pulled by an oral surgeon."

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

Scuba Skater

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

'They're for stiff necks - take two, and avoid skulking around in drafty places!'

If at first you don't succeed, call your malpractice insurance company.

"You may hear a few wise cracks."

'Geeez! One day, we'll all get killed by that unhealthy stuff!'

"The hip bone's connected to the...' Once you start humming, it all comes back to you."

A man splits in half when lifting a heavy box.

100 Fat. Now with 50 less fat.

Normally I'd fight and threat to the patient / doctor relationships.. but in the case of Mr Baxter's Anal Warts I'm prepared to make an exception."

No, it' more of a dry, persistent cough.

Hypochondria rampant at Mount Rushmore.

"He's one of my five-a-day."

'I collect exercise videos...Every evening I have cheesecake and hot chocolate while I watch them.'

Enjoying summer baseball, D-style.

'The irony is that your brother is still the nonconformist.'

'You smoke, you drink, you're overweight...You ought to be ashamed of yourself, making a laughing stock of us doctors!'

"We are not here to condemn deadly industrial cigarette ingredients! We just want to know - did you or did you not create the tobacco plant?"

"I'm wearing one....under the woolen pullover!"

Cyclists with a pollution guard on having a cigarette

"I'll have the healthy meal, supersized, with a hot fudge sundae and a diet cola."