Alternative Medicine Fan Gifts

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

"You're gonna be fine, honey. We're taking you to an acupuncturist"

'It's just in from the rainforest, so there may still be some roots and stems in it.'

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

Porcupine Acupuncture

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

New Age Store.

'Don't take this if you're also taking Foogoo rooy, Baaki bark or powdered beetle.'

'I'm a holistic dentist, Mrs. McPhee -- You'll have to disrobe.'

Where chiropractors go on holiday

Faith Healer next to the Emergency Room at a fair.

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

'He was such a health nut. Died of all natural causes.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'This wasn't quite what I had in mind when you suggested 'alternative medicine''

Witch Doctor

Alternative Medicine.

'Take two of these, and call me in the morning!'

'I told you nothing was out of joint but your nose.'

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

"My joints... are almost done"

*Not suitable for those with an allergy to consciousness expansion

"Lately my joints are stiff." "You're rollin' 'em too tight. Try vaping."

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

'We can do extensive blood work, take x-rays, check your prostate. . .or I could sell you some great weed for $50.'

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'