Home Remedy Fan Gifts

'I have two colds. I'm taking aspirin for one, and hot tea with whisky for the other.'

"I've just overheard the doctor say the farmer has the flu! We all know what that means: chicken soup!"

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

DIY marriage counseling.

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"Hon, do you think it's time you took a break from the light therapy lamp?"

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

Gah! My Timotei is dead. - 'But what have we here? Tresemme with orange, mango, and passionfruit.' - 'Mmmm... passionfruit...' - '*Glug* *Glug* *Glug*' -

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"Krazy straw"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

"How do you feel about turning over?"

Therapy for the cow dependent

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Men and Women's changing rooms

Ariel prepares for her big date.

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."