Military Satirist Gifts

Toy Soldiers - 'They're in civilian clothing.'

"What I don't like about the military is all the emphasis on winning."

101 uses of a dead cat: knife

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Cat in a tank...

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

'At ease, soldier.'

After defeating terror, George and his friends declare war on mild irritation and clouds.

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

'Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humour? Just look at that card Hans Greber and we have haven't been shot at all day.'

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

"Did you call for a Medic?"

'...and this is the Mess.'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

French Army knife

'At last! Some decent kit.'

At a Country House

Hague Convention Defied! Failure of the new Tommy-Scalder.

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

Banting in the Yeomanry

Your Country Needs MOO!

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

'THINGMY ON THE PORT BOW!! You know, what's it called? Long and pointy... Very fast... TORPEDO ON THE PORT BOW!!'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Technical specifications: semi-automatic 1.2 mm cartoon launcher. 7.5 inch barrels holds a full stick of graphite. Fires rounds of sarcasm, satire and spoofs. Takes out religious fanatics with sharp wit.

'I know you didn't just reach through the torpedo tube and grab those fish.'

Peacekeeping?

Beware of the dog.

The Emperor of Irony

The Bengal Lancers/Bingo Lancers/Bagel Lancers/Bungle Lancers

Recruit Depot - Barber. That barber is fast! He knows a short-cut!

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

"Whoever made fun of my hat better step forward now, or I'll turn this march around!"