Midwifery Gifts

'Find out who the pregnant one is nurse - then ask the others to leave please.'

Midwife is dousing to find the right baby.

"His first out-of-body experience."

Cry babies.

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

A midwife holding a baby

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Same old same old. How about you?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'I always cry at weddings!'

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'